Friday 26 June 2009

Oprah

A song about Oprah Winfrey. And if you're reading this, Oprah -- sort yourself out, lass.


Sung to the tune of Lola by The Kinks


Oprah

©2009 Dale Williams


I saw her on a set performing her mojo.

Telling you how to abstain from processed foods and make Granola.

G-r-a-n ola.

She has a magazine and she has a show

Produced by Harpo, and backwards her name is Oprah.

O-p-r-a-h Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.


Well I'm not the world's most intellectual guy

But when she gave a show to that Jenny gal,

Oh, my! Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.

Well I could be dumb but I can't understand

Why she lets antivaxxers give their commands

On her show-a. O-o-o-o Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.


Well, we can campaign and fight all we like,

Her show to rid of this sad blight.

But the problem is she's a billionaire

And right now doesn't really seem to care.

Well I'm not going to Live My Best Life

And The Secret I really despise being peddled by Oprah.

O-o-o-o Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.

Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.


I wish she would say,

"I was wrong before,

I won't do this no more."

I'm begging, Oprah please,

Don't make me swear at my tv.


And that's not all I wanted to say.

Send Somers and her hormones on their way, oh Oprah.

O-o-o-o Oprah.

Now you've given Doctor Oz his own bloody show,

And backed by that nit Chopra at the Huff Po, Oprah.

O-o-o-o Oprah.


Well I have a bone to pick with you

For peddling all of this ridiculous woo.

Your show is watched by millions of people

Most of whom are ready and willing to believe you.


Well I'm not the world's most observant bod

But I know what I got and I'll tell you what

You are Oprah.

O-o-o-o Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.

Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah O-o-o-o Oprah.

Wednesday 24 June 2009

Piffling Perfumery

After Crispian Jago's brilliant Richard Dawkins perfume here, I thought I'd pay homage with my own below. Unfortunately he's beaten me to the draw with his own funnier follow up.



Sunday 21 June 2009

BCA

In light of the recent BCA announcement that they have a 'plethora' of evidence for chiropractic and the resulting demolition of this list from Jack of Kent, Gimpy, Ministry of Truth, Evidence Matters and a few others, find below a song.

The song should be sung to the tune of YMCA by The Village People.

BCA

©2009 Dale Williams


Now then, you said we had no evidence.

We said, here then, we would like to announce,

We said, we have, a plethora for acceptance.

Oh, no need to be so nasty.


Now then, there's twenty nine we can show.

We said, so there, let's see if you can go

And refute all these. We're so confident they'll give you

Many ways to get in trouble.


It's not fun now at the B-C-A.

It's not fun now at the B-C-A.


These have every best chance we can use to employ,

To provide info you cannot destroy...


It's not fun now at the B-C-A.

It's not fun now at the B-C-A.


We threw in our own code, it seemed a good idea,

But it may bite us in the rear...


So then, we put in roundabout three

Papers, which were, really about osteopathy

And oh, one that, was about medical conduct

And the mis-rep-re-sen-ta-tion


Of research. Yes we know, it's irony.

And so, we then, sat on the balcony.

Thinking to ourselves, we're the B-C-A.

No proof we have to show today.


It's not fun now at the B-C-A.

It's not fun now at the B-C-A.


So we put in Klougart et al, lacking binding and a control.

And not assessed against placebo.


It's not fun now at the B-C-A.

It's not fun now at the B-C-A.


We used Mercer and Nook, but it's clear if you look

The evidence seriously cannot be took.


Not good. So we went and then chose

Wilberg, which was, a bit better than those.

And we ignored Olafsdottir because

We cherry picked to suit our cause.


That's when we picked another paper

And it, was all we could do to scrape it

Together. But we put it in anyway.

And we hoped it would keep them at bay.


It's not fun now at the B-C-A.

It's not fun now at the B-C-A.


We are really struggling with no evidence to deploy.

We have tried all of our decoys.


B-C-A. You'll find trouble at the B-C-A.


For win, for lose, we have decided to choose

To try to confound, but now we may really lose.


B-C-A. You'll find trouble at the B-C-A.


Not good, not good. We've shot our own feet.

Not good, not good. We should not have tried to cheat.


B-C-A. I'm leaving the B-C-A.

Tuesday 16 June 2009

I'm Diluting

To celebrate (ahem) National Homeopathy Week, here's a little song.

Sing to the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison.

I'm Diluting

©2009 Dale Williams


I'm diluting, up to 30C.

I'm diluting, it's homeopathy.

I'm diluting.

It won't relieve you, from your bad tooth.

It's not science and that's the truth.

Fancy.


I'm diluting, up to 60C.

I'm diluting, molecules I cannot see.

I'm diluting.

Making it as safe as it can be.

Are you kooky just like me?

Wow.


I'm diluting, to stop that bile.

I'm diluting, it takes a while.

I'm diluting, give your money to me.

I'm diluting, shake, shake, shake.

I'm diluting, all the day.

I'm diluting, say you'll imbibe from me.


'Cause I need you, to believe my rite.

Come treat your baby, I promise it's alright.


I'm succussing, my dilution's high.

I'm succussing, I don't know why.

I'm succussing, be ready today... okay.


I'll bump it to 200C, okay?

I guess water memory is the key

For the solution being weak as pee.

What do I think?

Is there a limit to this thing?

Yeah, there's a limit to this thing.

Oh, yeah, Avogadro.


Monday 15 June 2009

Simon Singhs

Just a song to show my support to Simon Singh in his lawsuit against the BCA and English libel law.


I would have sung it but I can't sing at all - my voice sounds like a monotone tuneless drunk. Anyone want to sing it?


It should be sung to the (shortened) tune of American Pie by Don McLean. I used the Weird Al version myself.


This Simon Guy

©2009 Dale Williams


A short, short time ago...

A writer named Simon Singh

Was sued by the BCA

For questioning claims they were plying

That chiropractic treats prolonged crying

And, strangely, ear infections so they say.


The Guardian's reply was if you wish,

Write a response for us to publish.

The BCA refused to.

And said it's not you we're gonna sue.


It's that Simon guy we require

For defamation we will go and hire

A lawyer who will not tire.

An apology we do desire.


So my, my, our Simon the guy.

It may deflate yer someday later

But don't break down and cry.

We're all behind you and there's a simple reason why,

Because our law has gone badly awry.

Our law has gone badly awry.


It's come to something when you can't

Freely criticize or have a rant

Without fear of being sued.

And having to be the one to prove

That your statement was indeed all true

Instead of their unsubstantiated view.


Well we know that you are in the right.

And we'll back you in this awful fight.

Which will affect not only you

So we signed a petition or two.


And over the internet a rumbling was heard.

As freethinkers all over said this is absurd.

So into action they were spurred.

The day Simon was sued.


We started thinking.

My, my, our Simon the guy.

It may deflate yer someday later

But don't break down and cry.

We're all behind you and there's a simple reason why,

Because our law has gone badly awry.

Our law has gone badly awry.


Now he finally got to go to court.

For a preliminary that was oh so short

And ended in a tragedy.

The judge ruled there was a case to hear

Of the BCA promoting with good cheer

Bogus treatments for you and for me.


Oh, the BCA was glad of course.

Where was the balance in the courts?

They threw the onus on Singh.

Oh, proof he would need to bring

To show the dishonesty of the Association,

To avoid paying them compensation

And bring about a cessation.

He's still being sued by them.


We started thinking.

My, my, our Simon the guy.

It may deflate yer someday later

But don't break down and cry.

We're all behind you and there's a simple reason why,

Because our law has gone badly awry.

Our law has gone badly awry.


It's the law that's wrong you see,

Allowing the rich to go and bully

Without evidence of their own.

Science should be questioned as we all know,

But the libel laws do not allow

For all scientific criticism to be known.


And in the pubs: the scientists screamed,

The skeptics cried, and the lawmen steamed.

And angry words were spoken;

About English law being broken.

Where has our legal system gone?

To the dogs if this case you go upon.

So Simon continues to fight on.

He's still being sued by the BCA.


We started thinking.

My, my, our Simon the guy.

It may deflate yer someday later

But don't break down and cry.

We're all behind you and there's a simple reason why,

Because our law has gone badly awry.

Our law has gone badly awry.


We started thinking.

My, my, our Simon the guy.

It may deflate yer someday later

But don't break down and cry.

We're all behind you and there's a simple reason why,

Because our law has gone badly awry.

Sunday 14 June 2009

If God is your answer to everything, crosswords must be quite boring.









ACROSS

2. You may know Him as Allah or Yahweh.

3. All powerful being.

4. Causes earthquakes. And floods.

5. Watches over you always.

6. Gave us morals.


DOWN

1. Where the universe came from.

2. Force that makes different creatures.

3. Likes to carve faces into objects.

4. Bananas fit nicely in the hand because of ...

5. What Adam & Eve had to do when they ate that apple.